I am so angry.
I try to live my life in a normal way without the anger showing through, but I fail every day.
I went to 2 different stores on Wednesday. After 40 minutes of waiting at each, I was not helped, though many people who arrived after me were. I have trouble commanding respect. People just don't want to take me seriously. Maybe it is because I am 5 feet tall. Maybe it is my higher pitched voice. Maybe it is my weight. I just know it is hard.
I found out that in the athletic draft I was recently enrolled in, I was (yet again) chosen last for the team. I think this may be because I am a little bit older (37) and a little overweight. I can't come up for a reason why I get such terrible rankings. I have played on teams that have come in first place. I show up to almost all of the games. I have played savage for entire games because I am the only girl there from our team. These things seem like they should count for something, but they don't. I saw this article on MSN yesterday: Male jurors inclined to think overweight women are guilty.
Apparently, even in a study overweight women are seen by males as being guilty without even hearing testimony. There is a stigma in society. I must be lazy, I must eat entire boxes of oreos every night. I must never exercise. I am a bad person because I am fat (or so says society). They just can't give me the benefit of the doubt.
The big kicker is this whole infertility thing. I am so angry. It colors my world. I can't go to a store without seeing a big pregnant woman with another child in tow. I can't watch TV without seeing it. Mike and Molly struggle but I know they will conceive before I do. Kim Kardashian is pregnant and she's not even divorced from her soon-to-be (?) ex. I can't go on facebook without seeing someone else posting about their new pregnancy. I go to baby showers and smile, while thinking the whole time that it will never be me. Maybe it's just not meant to be, but why put these feelings of desire to be a parent into someone that just can't?
I saw an article yesterday that talked about increasing infertility worldwide due to the population increases. Link to the article here: About that overpopulation proble
Maybe I am suffering from this. I don't know. I just know it sucks.
So, I am angry. If I look angry, it's because I am. I am probably not angry at you. I am angry at life and fate and myself. I'm working on it.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Here are 20 tips for a Positive New Year! by Jon Gordon
1. Stay Positive. You can listen to the cynics and doubters and believe that success is impossible or you can know that with faith and an optimistic attitude all things are possible.
---- I am REALLY bad at this
2. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement: My purpose is_______________________.
---- Think in the morning? I will try.
3. Take a morning walk of gratitude. I call it a "thank you walk." It will create a fertile mind ready for success.
----- Does this require waking up early? I think I will change this to evening.
4. Instead of being disappointed about where you are, think optimistically about where you are going.
----- Can I go to Mexico Lindo?
5. Eat Right! Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
---- I really could do better at this.
6. Remember that adversity is not a dead-end but a detour to a better outcome.
7. Focus on learning, loving, and growing.
8. Believe that everything happens for a reason and expect good things to come out of challenging experiences.
9. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
--- This is me.
10. Mentor someone and be mentored by someone.
11. Live with the 3 E's. Energy, Enthusiasm, Empathy.
---- Empathy - gotta work on that one.
12. Remember there's no substitute for hard work.
13. Zoom Focus. Each day when you wake up in the morning ask: "What are the three most important things I need to do today that will help me create the success I desire?" Then tune out all the distractions and focus on these actions.
14. Implement the No Complaining Rule. Complaining is like vomiting. Afterwards you feel better but everyone around you feels sick.
----- This is funny.
15. Read more books than you did in 2011.
16. Get more sleep. You can't replace sleep with a double latte.
---- Sleep? What's that?
17. Focus on "Get to" vs. "Have to." Each day focus on what you get to do, not what you have to do. Life is a gift not an obligation.
18. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements:
I am thankful for __________.
Today I accomplished____________.
19. Smile and laugh more. They are natural anti-depressants.
20. Enjoy the ride. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy it.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Oh, the pressure of starting a brand new blog, and creating the first post.
They say you never get a second chance to make a first impression, and it's a bit intimidating.
With that being said, I guess I will just say "hi" and leave it at that. The majority of the people who see this blog, at least the first post, will be people who know me anyway.